Slashed...
Interesting. This girl seems to have had a hay-day with a pair of scissors. Her top is slashed down the front and across the bottom and she's chopped off the bottom half of her jeans. Best to leave the alterations to the professionals, love.
Leopard print crop top...
Do stores actually sell this kind of junk? It looks like a professional shirt that has been attacked and ravaged by a wild animal.
Animal print can be hot and classy. But, not when worn like this.
The collar, the sleeves, and most importantly the cut... it's bad.
Let this be a lesson: even if you've got a good body, there is no need to flaunt it about in hooker clothes.
White linen...
White linen is not easy to pull off. Pockets almost always look awkward and unflattering and underwear is difficult too... you can either blatantly see them, or it's blatantly obvious you are going commando. It really rarely works well, and is best kept for Caribbean holidays.
English men...
Why, oh why must men do this? English men... whenever the sun comes out they think they need to take their shirt off and walk around town. It's not a good look. On the beach - good. In the park - okay. In the center of town - bad.
Cheap or Chic?
There are a few things we could discuss here... but lets start with the shorts. On a recent trip to Brick Lane I noticed an astonishing amount of guys in cut off jean shorts. Literally every other person had them on (the rest had on skinny jeans, like spray-painted on skinny). I was pretty surprised to see this, because up until then I hadn't noticed any boys wearing do-it-yourself cut off jean shorts, and all of a sudden it was the biggest micro-trend around.
For those of you lucky enough to know me, you may have noticed that I've been living in my 10 quid Uncle Sam's levi cut off do-it-yourself-with-the-help-of-the-tailor (shh... i'm really not of the crafty variety) jeans all summer. I love them. They were cheap, no doubt. But all the reason to be even more fabulous. I sussed them out my self, only paid a tenner, and deliberately wore them day in day out despite being told repeatedly by a certain someone that I never would.
Honestly, I am not sure how flattering they really are. They can produce a slight wedgie effect, and I can say this truthfully only because I have witnessed quite a few other girls about with a similar situation going on with their similar shorts. It's true - old school levis have a tendency to creep up the old backside... but wasn't that in back then? I seem to recall photos of Cindy Crawford with that similar high waisted slight wedgie look from back in the day....
Anyway. Enough about that. The question is: cheap or chic?
Do we like these do it your self denim shorts? Will they last more than Summer 2009? Are they okay on guys? Are they really even okay on girls?
P.S. Boating hats? Really. I have seen two people attempt to pull them off this summer. This guy actually did it better than the first I saw. Hopefully we have seen the last of this, in my opinion.
Partners in Crime
The Verdict
I have seen this look a lot... about five years ago every other Orange County girl in California was rocking it - Ugg Boots and short jean skirts. Well, it was bad then and it's not any better now.
I can excuse this look if your:
A) A genuine surfer. Maaaaybe you would wear Ugg boots when you've just come out of the water (even though I have never seen this being done... but lets just pretend for the sake of argument)
B) Caught in a moment of panic and just happen to put it on - aka. the fire alarm has gone off, or you are running to the shops to pick up some sugar that you forgot... and you were blind.
But, it's un-excusable when it is worn as a well thought out fashion statement, because lets be honest - it's really not.
Redemption?
Leave the boots at home.
If you can wear shorts then you really don't need fur lined boots on for warmth... plus, there are enough cold and miserable days in England, so save the boots for when you really need them.
(Also, I'm not mad for those jean shorts or that faux-wripped up black jersey skirt.... but we can overlook that today.)
Tie-Dyed Denim...
The Verdict
Let's be honest, most of us don't need to be wearing tie-dyed denim. None of us need to be wearing tie-dyed skinny denim with rouched ankle detailing - that is just ugly and unflattering. The whole look is relatively permissible until you get to her ankles.... okay, I said 'relatively' permissible. But seriously, avoid elasticated ankles - it's really not a good look.
Redemption?
Balmain showed a lot of tie-dyed denim in their Spring/Summer 2009 collection, which started a bit of a manic following. It's okay to engage in some strange denim trends, especially in the summer when you can just throw on a little white vest and sandals and be good to go - simple, cool and not too try-hard. So take note - if you want to wear tie-dyed denim either buy a pair that exceed the thousand pound marker (and watch envious onlookers drool) or keep it simple and don't get a pair with elasticated ankles or any additional type of faff - because tie-dyed denim is loud enough on its own.
Contributions?
Dear World,
Contributions to the stylecrusader are very welcome. If you've spotted someone that you think should grace the pages of this blog please take their photo and send it in. You can add your own caption if you would like, or leave it for me to do if you would rather. Please make sure these are your own photos though, we don't want to rip off others hard work of capturing the badly dressed. E-mail your thoughts and photos to: thestylecrusader@googlemail.com
Keep the light on when getting dressed...
The Verdict
We all know asians can be super stylish and cool, even if I don't always get what they are going for (they can wear some weird stuff). But even if I'm culturally retarded it can work and I'm impressed.
However, this man here has got it all wrong: matching orange nylon sports top (what is it even supposed to be... in no way is it stylish or even practical, unless his goal is to get really sweaty) with orange floral board shorts, is a delta force assault on the eyes. It is then topped off with a straw hat which is too small and some leather sandals.
It screams tourist... which he probably is. But just because you are on holiday does not mean you have to dig out all items of clothing you haven't worn in the past ten years and select your outfit at random while standing in a dark room.
Redemption?
The shoes would be okay with another outfit, perhaps some light coloured kahki tousers and just a plain t-shirt.
The hat might be okay if chosen with a checked shirt... maybe go for a cowboy theme? Everyone likes a cowboy, right? Or perhaps also with the aforementioned khakis and t-shirt.
The shorts would be great if you were going swimming... in hawaii... and it was dark.
And finally... there is no redemption for the shirt unless you had to wear it for some sporting event because that is what your team wears. But I would hide it as soon as I got home.
p.s. this is the first reader submission.
Too much of a good thing...
The Verdict
Ok, lets be honest - this is all a bit too much. The colour is really nice, but it's too much. Anyway, when was it even made? Do people wear skirt suits with long jackets like that anymore? Obviously they do - but really they shouldn't. The shape is all wrong - it's very unflattering. Plus the shoes don't go - strappy red leather platform sandals? Red leather rarely works and cheap red leather never works. So the matching shoe-bag-combo is just making the outfit more dated.
Redemption?
Have a tailor chop off half of that jacket. If it sat to her waist it might be more bearable. The collar is a bit big for it though - is it supposed to be outerwear? The more I look at it the more confused I get. Is she going to a wedding perhaps...? This was taken on a Saturday so it's doubtful that she's wearing this to the office. Anyway - either get rid of half the jacket or get rid of the whole thing. A neutral coloured fitted jacket would work a treat and balance out the loudness of the skirt. Also, a more tailored shoe would be more appropriate with the pencil skirt. If she wants to keep the 'funky look' she is obviously going for with the outlandish colour choices she can keep the red bag... or better yet get rid of the bag and just maybe opt for a funky pair of earings or necklace. Sort it out woman - this is wrong for a lot of reasons.
Staples
Every once in a while something really great comes along. It might originally be snubbed as a weak and passing trend but somehow it manages to stick. Two such examples:
1. Leggings
2. Check shirts
Many tried to fight these trends, but they are impossible to avoid. This couple is very cute and they are sporting a look that is rocked by probably half the population aged 16-27 each day. Even if it's over done it's great. What did we wear before these things came along?
Spotted: Americans on the Tube
Only Americans wear shoes like this. Only Americans wear them with socks. Only Americans buy matching pairs with their son to wear on holiday in England. And only Americans also get matching khaki cargo shorts to wear with them.
p.s. dad don't be sad - i know you have similar shoes but you can pull them off!
Autumn/Winter Coverup
I just ordered this 'Wool Harbour Peacoat' today off J.Crew. I am very excited because not only is it very cute it is also going to be so practical because I got it with thinsulate so it will be extra warm (I hope that is not going to make it super bulky?) for all those early morning trips into London in the freezing cold. Can't wait to receive it!