MY SUPER SECRET BEAUTY TRICKS REVEALED…
Photo by Kit Lee
I’m not kidding, from the night I arrived in London (Valentines night) to the day I left (last Friday morning) I slept MAX 4 hours a night. This isn’t like me. I like to sleep… I like to sleep so much that my husband has to call me up at 11am and tell me off for not getting out of bed. ‘Jennnn… this isn’t natural. GET THE FREAK OUT OF BED AND DO THE DISHES WOMAN!!!’ Even more disturbing? Wednesday night I didn’t sleep at all (not a wink) and Thursday night I had to get a cab to Heathrow at 3am (so again, figured… there’s no point in sleeping)… ZOMBIE ALERT. This is not humanly possible. This resulted in me passing out on the flight (I had an entire row to myself), waking up panicked and thinking I was on a ‘fashion’ plane?! Arriving in Zurich airport, being stopped by immigration and BURSTING into tears when I’m informed that it is illegal to bring samples from outside the country in… that I should have filled out a form beforehand… that I went through the wrong line… that I’m a criminal and should be deported (hah). Poor man must have took pity on me because he gave a giant Swiss-German induced sigh, looked down and said, “ok. pack it back up.’ Then brought me round the back of the computer to explain EXACTLY how it works when you bring samples into the country… ‘You promise you won’t do this again?’ he asked. Through the sobs I mustered an, ‘I promise.’
So, the question begs to be asked… just exactly how did I make it through fashion week and this disturbing airport experience without a bit of smudged mascara or cracked lipstick? Well, girls (and boys), behold, my three part masterclass in makeup for the disenchanted lazy butt.
1. FAKE EYELASHES: yes, that’s riiiight. I have FAKE EYELASHES. So everyday when I would get to Somerset House and someone would say, ‘Weren’t you at the (INSERT RANDOM PARTY) last night?’ ‘Ummm… yeah.’ Puzzled look. ‘but… you look so FRESH.’ FAKE EYELASHES, FAKE EYELASHES, FAKE EYELASHES. I said it more than anything else (even more than the Instagram thing). About a year ago I got fake eye lashes for the first time. I got hooked. I got them done three times in a row… when you have them on you don’t have to wear mascara (some people do but personally I think that’s just silly). The ones I get are so good that when I have them I don’t wear ANY eye makeup – not ever. They last for roughly 2-3 months and fall out when your normal lashes fall out. You see, because they are individually applied to every lash – the process takes an hour to an hour and a half. They are the MOST life changing beauty treatment I have ever had. No mascara, no washing your eye makeup off at night, no worrying about crying and having it smudge. Even on zero hours of sleep, I can walk around like the bees-knees because these just make you look AWAKE and ALIVE. It has revolutionized my life. I went about 8 months without them – in order to let my lashes rest up. I’ll just say one thing. When they start to fall out it is TRAGIC. You’ll find a lash on your pillow in the morning and rock it back and forth in your hands… DON’T LET THEM BE FALLING OUT!! Your lashes get a bit frazzled and look a bit pathetic. At that moment you have two choices: 1. tough it up and let them fall out gradually (whatever you do, DO NOT, attempt to pull them out… that would be really REALLY freaking stupid) or 2. dish out the moolah and admit your hooked. I try not to stay hooked throughout the whole year and instead just get them before big things like fashion week. Also, I’ve seen A LOT of shoddy eye lash jobs… don’t be stupid and go somewhere cheap, you’ll look like a hooker. I go to LASH LAB where Kym, the most talented lady, does mine. They are the best lashes I’ve seen anyone do in London and I couldn’t recommend them more. These are her prices… please don’t everyone rush to get them done though because she’s already super freaking busy and if next time I go to London she doesn’t have time to fit me in I swear I will know it’s YOUR FAULT.
2. MAC LIP PRIMER: So, my friend Lucy used to always wear these incredible lipstick colors and they would always stay on for aaaages – like, literally all day. Whenever I’d be putting on lipstick I would be super self-conscious. Is it smudging? Do my lips look chapped? Is it on my teeth? Do I need to reapply? ‘How’s my lipstick?’ I would ask about a gazillion times until finally someone would say, ‘Uh. You need to reapply.’ This is annoying right? That was my life until I discovered Lucy’s secret: Mac Lip Primer. I ordered it just before fashion week and was so excited to get it (along with my favorite lipstick Cyber). So, this is how good it is… I’m not even exaggerating. One evening before going out I put it on with a BRIGHT stinking pink lipstick over top (you just put the primer on like chapstick and then put the lipstick over top) (the lipstick I stole from Shini, oops, it’s from Topshop but I can’t find it online… hmmm…). I went out the whole evening… stayed out until about 3am… had drinks/food… got home… was too exhausted to wash my face or look in the mirror so I collapsed into bed. 7am and I woke up… stumbled into the bathroom, stuck my face in some water and wiped the water off on a pristine perfectly white towel. When I looked down… there was bright pink lipstick smeared all the way across the towel. (#Oops) But honestly, how is that EVEN POSSIBLE? It literally stayed on the whole time. I’m telling you, it’s insane.
3. BRONZER: I’m from California, I LOOOOVE the sun. I could spend all day everyday lying in the sun. So this is obvious, right? A brushing of bronzer if I’m feeling particularly up for it. I’ve been using this one from Chanel for like 5 years. It’s the best. Yeah, it’s Chanel so it’s kind of expensive… but don’t you feel fancy when you pull a Chanel compact out of your bag? I know I do.
So, there it is revealed ladies and gentleman. The super exciting secretes to my beauty regime. You may remember from such previous posts that I suck at makeup. I suck at it. I can’t apply eyeliner and I always forget to moisturize. I have a huge bag of makeup sitting under my sink… most of which I NEVER use but have stupidly purchased under the pretense that it would be grrrrreat. Most of it wasn’t. So, now, finally after 26 years of life I have finally gotten down a simple procedure for the makeup I like to use. If I could have them all year round it would start with eyelashes (when I have these I’m more than happy to leave the house without anything else on – uhhh… no other makeup on. don’t be a sicko)… if I’m feeling a bit drab then I’ll put on bronzer (and normally a bit of blush)… if I’m REALLY trying to make an impression then the lipstick comes out. At the moment my skin is pretty good… but I definitely get the occasional pimple and when that happens I FREAK OUT… which ends up leading to more pimples… which means I pathetically try to cover it up and put Charlie on ‘pimple patrol.’ It’s really sad…
p.s. this post was WAY too long. I promise not to do this too often.
p.s.s. I’m going to the Alps tomorrow morning and won’t be back until Monday night. I likely won’t have internet. Just so you know.
p.s.s. I’m in the process of making some big blog changes in order to sort out the google search debacle… so if you notice anything strange just roll with it, hopefully we’ll be all sorted by mid-week. Ok, that’s all… have a wonderful Sunday. xx
OMGEEEE Jen, sorry to hear about your horrible airport experience in Zurich. When I take samples abroad say on a shoot as an example (even for personal use for the blog), I make sure I bring dockets/consignment forms of the samples listed (including prices) and call sheet to confirm that they’re used for work, alternatively take the tickets/price tickets off as it were your personal items. Even for jewellery (£1K over) they must have insurance document. It’s a pain but it’s a pain in the arse procedure.
Thanks for the tip on Lip Primer, I need one for my fat lips. xxx
HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS? I don’t know this sort of stuff… I need smart people like you, Kit, to fill me in on what’s what.
p.s. woman, you need like 10 lip primers… your lips are huge. xx
Basically you’re a victim of Nothing To Declare. I would advise you to watch these tv series ‘UK Border Force’, ‘Nothing To Declare’, ‘Border Security – Australia’s Front Line’, and ‘Airport Security.’ – they’re ADDICTIVE to watch.
I’ve seen those shows before Kit, I hope I’m not comparable to those people! xx
My favourite is where the woman gets caught importing a crate of LIVE LOBSTERS insider her suitcase. You should have said, “It’s only clothes, not lobsters!!”.
Oh my gosh! I am so sorry to hear that you had so many problems coming into Zurich and you didn’t have Freddy with you. But it was wonderful to hear that you are ok. Have fun in the Alps and I can’t wait to see some pictures!! Miss you!
Saw your tweet about the airport, how horrific! As anti-feminist as it sounds, it is amazing what tears will do for airport security (when I was going back to Australia after living in Washington DC for 6 months, I got slapped with $1000 excess baggage fee. I burst into tears in a panic and they just waved me through).
And thanks for the tip about the primer! Does it stop your lips drying out too? Always paranoid of having dried up prune lips when I wear red lipstick.
Also, I’m seriously contemplating the fake lashes now (I stuck Urban Decay lashes on every day at LFW for the same reason, but yours sound a million times better). Do they do press review visits?
Enjoy the alps! And sorry for writing an essay-length comment (as per usual).
Briony xx
Hi Briony!
Agree about the tears. There’s nothing more obnoxious than someone putting on the water works on purpose but when it’s a genuine unexpected freak out…. well, let’s just add it to the list of reasons we’re thankful to be girls!
My lips seriously didn’t dry out when I used the primer. I don’t know if it was just some sort of random magic week I was having but the lipstick stayed on and my lips weren’t getting dried out. If you’ve got a nasty winter case of SUPER chapped lips then it probably isn’t able to counteract that.
Kym was doing press review visits – that’s how I first discovered her – but, to be honest, I’m not sure if she is anymore. She’s a one woman operation, which is exactly what makes it so great but sadly that means there’s not as much time for her to fit people in. As far as I know she’s pretty packed with appointments. Get in touch with her if you’re interested though, she’s lovely and I’m sure she’d be happy to discuss. You can find her e-mail address on the Lash Lab website.
p.s. i LOVE essay-length comments! xx
Sorry to hear about your airport troubles! Isn’t it wonderful being a woman sometimes though – I bet if you were a man who hadn’t cried they would have clamped down hard!
I must investigate this lip primer! I currently use Lipcote and I love it but it can be drying if used too often.
[ Becky at life/style/flash. blog]
I am totally there with you on the bronzer! And regarding the fake eye lashes?! I keep meaning to try them out (but then again I don’t… ) Tsk tsk. Really really need to get my butt to Shu Uemura one weekend and check out their eye lash bar! Although I’m not a huge mascara person (only wear it at night once in a while).
Paola
http://www.ThePvdHJournal.com
I’m glad everything was OK at the airport in the end, I’m so awful when it comes to the pernickety rules they have and always feel like I forget the things that everyone else -apart from me- is aware of and end up feeling incredibly silly! Thanks for sharing beauty tips, they shall come in very handy tomorrow morning after the weekend I’ve had, I’m going to need it
xx
ahaahaa!! ok sorry I shoulndt laugh but your post is so funny I like the ” do the dishes woman”!!
and that story at the airport poor you, you must be exhausted really!
oh and for make up well Im glad Im not the only one to suck with eye liner I dont know how to use it;))
You seem such a friendly person!!
Hahaha… Letizia, thanks so much! xx
That picture of you by Kit is gorgeous. I love the sound of these false lashes, I could do with some of those, I have typical short Asian lashes that just grow completely straight, not one hint of a curl! Boo. Sorry to hear of your rubbish airport experience, I’m a bit nervous, I’m flying to HK tomorrow on my lonesome and I’ve never caught a connecting flight before! Soooo tempted to pick up some of this Mac lip primer at some point, hopefully at duty free!
Ah, Winnie thanks! Don’t be nervous about a connecting flight by your self. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned when navigating confusing airports is that it’s always best to just ASK SOMEONE. Even if it’s just to double check and make sure you’re going in the right direction… there’s nothing worse than feeling super stressed and confused. I’m sure you’ll be fine though!
p.s. totally understand what you mean about Asian lashes – Kit and Shini are ALWAYS complaining about the same thing! Definitely check out the lip primer… we’ve got to work with what we’ve been given right? So instead of worry about long lashes just go for luscious lips.
Jenny…again, hilarious post! Sorry to hear about the airport thing…but wow those Swiss German officials can be kinda nice when you’re breaking the law (ex: when we went to Santis)!
I’m not a lipstick wearer (though maybe I should become one?), but I LOVE Mac’s mascara primer – SO good. I’m also thinking I need to try out some fake eyelashes one day…for sure. You pull them off so well! xo
Love this post!
Do you have any experience with dying eyelashes? I want to try it but am worried about the repercussions.. anyone?
Thanks Kat!
I don’t have any experience but Kym (from Lash Lab) is a bit of an expert when it comes to all things beauty related… let me e-mail her and see if she can shed any light on the matter. xx
Loved this post! I must admit something that puts me off wearing all my favourite bright lip colours, is that they wear off so quickly for me. Definitely going to pick up the lip primer at Mac, thanks so much for the recommendation. Life saver alert!
xx
I know this is a really old post, but I just can’t stop laughing, your wrote that in such a funny way and I can relate to so many thing
and that’s probably why I can’t stop giggeling 
happy valentines 
and thank you for making me laugh! xxx